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Wednesday, September 9, 2009 @ 3:18 PM


A/N

` This one shot is inspired from my recent craze on Absolute Boyfriend (both the Jdrama and manga). People who have watched Absolute Boyfriend should know that Night didn’t end up with Riiko in the end. (here’s one major spoiler!)

` This is a one shot written for 090909 Timeless Movement

` Definitely original of xiaoxi, similarities with other fictions are purely coincidental (unless you count scenes from Absolute Boyfriend). No ripping my fic and claiming it’s yours!

` Listen to Kim Junsu and Jang Ri In’s Timeless as you read(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSNZ7iIl6Fk)

===

Absolute Girlfriend



Junsu stared hard at the ceiling as he thought about how his life has changed drastically ever since his buddies - more accurately put, Jaejoong, Yunho, Micky and Changmin - ordered him a lover from some unknown website. A chuckle escaped his lips as he remembered how he had the shock of his life when he opened the door to find a gigantic parcel sitting before his door. Printed on the sides of the box was ‘Nightly Lover Series 01’ too. Trying to recall how comical he must’ve looked when he opened the parcel to find a girl staring at him, Junsu found his heart aching…

“Yah! Whose brillliant idea was it?!” Junsu shouted into his mobile phone while trying to pry away the girl’s hands.
“Chill it, Junsu. We figured you needed to mend that broken heart from being rejected. It’s a present from us, don’t worry about having to pay for ‘her’, okay!” Micky tried to hide the amusement in his voice.
“This isn’t funny! I’m not going to acknowledge this robot as my girlfriend!” Junsu nearly punched the girl in frustration. “And get away from me! Stop pulling my sleeve!”
“Junsu, just enjoy your lover! We’ve given her almost all the abilities wonder woman would have. You’ll be surprised at how talented she is! Have fun, Junsu! Bye!” Micky cut the call before Junsu could rebuke him.
Shouting a curse, Junsu hurled the phone to the other side of the room and shoved the girl away roughly.


“Ri In-yah… I miss you a lot…” Junsu got off the bed and opened one of the drawers to collect an exquisitely made box which contained a memory card. Caressing the carvings on the box, Junsu felt his heart aching more and more. It took ‘Ri In’ a whole night to make the box. It used up the remaining ‘life’ she has left after the ‘serious injuries’ she never really recovered from.

“Master, give me a name!” the girl, or robot, smiled sweetly at him.
“Go away,” Junsu said simply.
“Master, I’m from the Nightly Lover Series, model 01.” the girl offered her information first. “I’ve been made to know how to cook, sew, arrange flowers, do household chores, sing, play instruments, protect you-”
“Shut up. You’re really irritating.” Junsu scowled at her, hoping it would scare her so much that she would leave.
“Being irritating hasn’t been included in my abilities. You may like to check the user manual to know more about my functions.” she continued to smile at him.
“Ri In. Your name will be Ri In. Now go away!”


“Ri In… Ri In…” Junsu repeated the name over and over again as he opened the box gently to reveal the memory card which laid peacefully on the cushion. Holding it up carefully, Junsu felt his tears wetting his cheeks. “Ri In! Come back to me! Ri In…” Junsu cried as he held the memory card closely to his body, near his heart. If a second chance can be given to him, he would never ask Ri In to ‘go away’ again. He would even beg if he has to, for her to stay by him always.

“Isn’t that Kim Junsu, the guy who confessed to you a couple of days ago?” HyunA whispered a little too loudly to her friend who nodded in reply. HyunA smirked as she stood up. Her friend shook her head slightly as she realised what HyunA is going to do. She’s not going to stop her though. HyunA plastered a smile on her face as she strutted over to Junsu. “Hey, got dumped recently eh?” HyunA laughed when she saw how Junsu’s face paled. Suddenly, Ri In appeared and held onto Junsu’s arm lovingly as she raised an eyebrow at HyunA. “Are you a friend of my boyfriend?” Ri In emphasized on the word with a mesmerizing glance at Junsu to assure him that everything would be alright.

Junsu placed the memory card into the reader on his laptop and hugged a dolphin plushie tightly as he waited for it to play. The dolphin plushie was a gift from Ri In for their ‘first month anniversary’. Junsu buried his face in it as he remembered the happy expression on her face when he accepted the gift. He lifted his head when the video started to play. It contained all of Ri In’s memories, from the first time they had met, until the day Ri In stopped functioning completely due to the malfunction of the chip in her body. The memory card was the only thing salvaged, the only thing left of Ri In…

“Yah, Kim Ri In! what are you doing in my bed?!” Junsu has decided that Ri In should follow his surname since she was ‘his robot’. but he didn’t recall allowing her to share the bed with him.
“I’m from the Nightly Lover series. My best function is to-”
Junsu slapped his forehead. “You guys are so getting it from me for sending me a machine meant for nightly use!”
“Junsu-yah~” Ri In climbed off the bed to plant a kiss on his cheek. “You’re so cute!”
Junsu sighed as he thought of how he might have to spend the whole night trying to coax Ri In to sleep in the guestroom.


Junsu felt something tugging at the corner of his heart as he watched the part of him going on a date with Ri In. He had given her a peck on the forehead, influenced by the beautiful and romantic sunset they were watching. “Ri In, that was actually the first time I kissed a girl…” Junsu murmured with a bitter smile hanging on his lips as he caressed the screen of his laptop, wishing that it was Ri In he was caressing.

“Ri In, what’s wrong with you? Why are your hands so hot? Your face, you neck… you’re burning hot!” Junsu touched her humanly features in alarm. 'Do robots fall sick? The user manual didn’t mention anything about what the owner should do when the robot is ill! What am I going to do…'
Suddenly, he realised that it must’ve been the fall and the fight which resulted in this current situation.
Ri In saved him from falling off the balcony due to HyunA’s push, but fell down six stories herself.
Ri In saved him from the group of black triads, but was badly injured from the fight.
Each time, he noticed something amiss from Ri In, but didn’t really think too much of it. He thought it was normal when a robot reacts slower than usual. He thought it was normal when a robot starts speaking to him in various languages due to its multilingual ability. He thought it was normal when a robot crushes the doorknob when it was simply opening the door. If only he knew…


“Ri In, I love you.” Junsu finally said those words. Yet she was no longer around. He sighed as he replaced the memory card into its box. Standing up from his spot on the floor, he walked to the window still hugging the dolphin plushie. “Ri In, I love you… I love you!” Junsu shouted towards the night sky. “Kim Ri In, I love you!”

-END-

REVIEW

Title: 5/5
Haha it reminds me of the manga “Absolute Boyfriend”. Anyways the title makes the story sound fairly interesting.

After reading it, I understand that this is like a “spin off” of the manga, and actually I’m glad that you used Absolute to distinguish the similarities between your story and the manga.

Appearance: 10/10
Love the background of your site, it’s easy to read on.

Forewords: --/10
Since this was a one-shot 10 points will be added to other things.

Character Description: 12/15
From the story, I’m getting that JunSu is like a “girl” and Ri In is more of a guy role. I understand that you switched the character roles from the manga, but the fact that JunSu or a guy character is like that does not settle well with me. Anyways I felt that you showed different kinds of traits of the characters from the flashbacks and their actions.

Originality & Plot: 15/20
This one-shot is really similar to the manga “Absolute Boyfriend”. It kind of felt like I was reading a summary of the manga. I feel that if you had made a twist to the story (like Junsu finding out that Ri In was actually human or something surprising) that separates or draws a line between the manga and your story, then it would be more interesting.

Writing Style: 14/15
I got a hang of your style quick. Instead of writing (flashback) and (End of Flashback), I suggest italicizing the flashblacks to make it more professional looking. Since your story is on a site, take advantage of the fact that you can edit with html.

Flow: 14/15
Pace was quick but I was glad that it was since I have read the manga.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
Did not catch any.

Overall Story Enjoyment: 10/10
A nice breather for me. It was short, crisp, and fit well.

Sub-Total: 90/100

Bonus (Optional): 0/5

Total: 90/100

Notes: I’m sorry that in this review I compared a lot with the manga. However you have to know the dangers in molding another’s story to make it your own. So comparing between your story and the manga is unavoidable.

Reviewer: sarangie @blackndwhite.co.nr

===
A/N
thanks for the review! :D
i took the advice of italicising flashbacks~
xiaoxi,loves.



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